


Kismet

by twinklelou



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, Family Issues, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Romance, Slight mystery, Slow Burn, jeongcheol if you squint, random cameos, verkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-07-14 14:38:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7175984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinklelou/pseuds/twinklelou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vernon hates living, but he doesn't want to die. Seungkwan prides himself for being a big bundle of joy and positivity, but even the brightest star dies fast.</p>
<p>They were two parallel lines that shouldn't meet halfway, but somehow fate decided to intervene and mess with the norm.</p>
<p>(Not everything is sunshine and bright skies)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> crossposted on aff

 

 

The pencil rolled along the table and hit the floor with a low thud. The sound of the rain constantly hitting the window pane create a calming sound pattern, an accompaniment for the boy with honey hair who was deep in his slumber in a position that will surely cause his neck, hips and back to hurt when he wakes up. His head was on the table, cushioned only by his left arm with his right hand suspended on top of a half-finished portrait.

The table was filled with papers containing the sketch of the exact same person. It was drawn in different tones, sometimes gently with love, sometimes harsh with anger.  
The rain didn’t show any sign of stopping, the boy didn’t show any sign of waking up, and the person in the portrait didn’t show any sign of coming back.

  --

“Class dismissed”, Vernon woke up with a jolt, the stranger beside of him deciding to wake him up by shaking his shoulder harshly. The brown haired boy stood up straight, turning just to see the offender had already left the hall. He exhaled slowly, mussing his hair and rubbed his face afterwards, too tired to feel angry. It’s not like he’s not used being pushed around and dealing with rude strangers after all.

He took his sweet time to pack up before finally moving to leave. Like any other day, he wasn’t in such a rush. There’s nothing home waiting for him, no responsibility for him to bear. He walked lazily across the side street, eyes casted downwards and a million thoughts in his head. Without planning, he turned right which was the opposite of his way home. His feet carried him to a place he had been frequenting for years now, almost like a second home and his safe place when he felt so lonely it almost made him burst.

The tinkling of the bell was inviting as per usual. The warm interior and countless books arranged neatly in oak shelfs swept him away from the cold reality of the outside world. He looked around, not finding any presence and assuming the owner fell asleep or busy running errands in the back. No one ever frequents this place after all, save for Vernon or rare lost people who somehow found the way to the mini library right in the middle of an isolated street, almost two kilometers away from Vernon’s college. He stepped towards the farther shelf, where it contained his favorite genre of books. The books were never changed from its position, only neatly arranged from time to time.

The owner was a friendly, hardworking middle-aged man that Vernon could honestly say was the most genuine person he ever met, and he didn’t meet many of those kinds of people before. He asked the owner why he didn’t turn the library to a bookstore as it ought to bring more benefits that way. The man only laughed while shaking his head, explaining the books are as ancient as he is and he didn’t need money as long as he could provide comfort of books for strangers. He owned too much of a collection to last a lifetime, so why not share for others to benefit too? Vernon thought he was being too nice for his own good, but let it go when the man assured him he had enough savings from his hard work during his youth. He lived alone anyway, and he can survive well all this time. That put Vernon slightly to ease, and he reluctantly let it go.

He lowered himself and leaned his back on the shelf, aware there’s more than enough bean bags and single sofas for him to feel more comfortable, but he couldn’t be bothered to lift himself up. He plugged in both earplugs and started reading, immediately lost in a world of fantasy and a reality far from his own. As if in a trance, he didn’t even register the sound of the bell tinkling again as the door opened, revealing a new face.

“Hello!”

The blue-skinned book previously in Vernon’s hands flew and landed a safe distance away. The boy who was caught off guard by the greetings stilled, looking up at the stranger with a voice not matching his face. He looked young, maybe as young as Vernon or younger- with rosy chubby cheeks and sharp chin. His wide eyes shined in curiosity as his thin lips were stretched in a huge smile. He seemed way too enthusiastic of a person for Vernon to deal with in a lazy Friday.

The other boy at least had the tendency to seem apologetic as he helped to retrieve Vernon’s abandoned book. He smiled softly, about to say something before Vernon beat him to it.

“Is this normal for you, coming in and just start greeting strangers?”

That seemed to throw the other off, the smile immediately falling from his face. Vernon almost felt bad. Almost.

“I didn’t mean it like that, I was just curious as this place was always empty every time I came to visit. I got excited, I guess? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Do you want me to leave?” Of course the obvious answer is yes, but this boy’s guilt stricken face made Vernon felt sympathy, which was strange in itself.

“Nah,” he said, pretending to be nonchalant. “You can stay, but try to tone it down.”

He doesn’t even need to turn to see that the other guy’s face was beaming. Thankfully, he kept some distance between them as he took a random book off the shelf.

“I’m Boo Seungkwan, by the way.” I didn’t ask. Vernon released a deep breath, looking right at the boy who radiates sunshine and rainbows, two of Vernon's least favorite things as he preferred rain and dark skies anyway.

“Chwe Hansol. Vernon. Now, stop talking.”

Sunshine boy made a zipping motion in front of his mouth, and Vernon nodded in acknowledgment, turning his attention back to his book while trying to find the last page he read earlier.

The two strangers sat side by side with no words exchanged, awkwardness rang loud with the gap between them. A first meeting that didn't go as planned, one would say. Even if feeling disturbed, Vernon didn't let it show. It's not everyday anyone willingly offered to accompany him without expecting something in return. In fact, he could count with one hand of how many people that bothered to approach him first, but none of them ever stayed. He didn't expect anything different from the boy beside him.

Vernon was used to the orders of life, people come and go as they please and he wouldn't bother blocking the door. That was why he prefer to not befriend anyone. He of all people knew that eventually he would be left alone in the end.

That was what he thought, his beliefs all this time. But little did Vernon know that boy would be the change to the constants of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

Vernon paced aimlessly on the empty hallway, as hollow as his feelings. He wanted to go out, being anywhere but here, but there's a nagging feeling that there's something he ought to do.

His feet brought him away from the long hallway before stepping upstairs, arriving on yet another hallway with two bedrooms, his personal studio, and a bathroom. There were no paintings nor photographs hung on the wall, nor any house plants, and even the wall was unpainted, occasionally full of cobwebs when Vernon was too lazy too care, which was too often to be healthy. Thus, he made a rational decision to hire a maid to clean it up during the period he was in class. It was horrible enough to live on your own, but it's just plain dread living in an unkempt house.

He arrived in front of his own room, pausing in front of the hardwood door before he turned around, eye to eye with another door similar to his, locked and forgotten. He had learned to ignore the abandoned room in front of him day by day. At first it had been terribly difficult, but when he trained himself to get used to it, it became a routine. His eyes steered away from the door with ease, almost as if forgetting it exists. He pretended to forget, but of course he never could. Today in particular though, he felt the need to venture, to find out what was that that made him so curious. He entered his room first, disregarding the neat room thanks to the effort of the paid servant before rushing to slide the last drawer of his study desk open, revealing a mess of random belongings and trinkets from the States. He had specified to the maid to not touch this particular drawer, and the uncovering of the random materials revealed the reason; a silver key on the bottom of the shelf. He retrieved the key, carefully making his way towards the room opposite his.

It was daunting, standing in front of the door he has avoided for so long, but he decided he needed to put his heart to ease and the only way to do so was to unlock the intimidating oak wood door. So he gathered his wits and courage, took a deep breath before inserting the key through the keyhole, and pushed the door open.

\---

"You draw too? A creative person through and through,eh?" Vernon's busy hand stilled before he calmly flipped the sketchpad close, turning towards the familiar yet not welcomed source of sound. Seungkwan was in a good mood as per usual. In fact, Vernon had never seen him with a foul expression on his face. Vernon had a theory that maybe Seungkwan was high all the time but even the thought was so ridiculous that Vernon almost laugh out loud at himself for even coming up with that conclusion in the first place.

"I believe it's none of your business," Vernon had been nothing but indifferent but Seungkwan's a tough one to get rid of. If anything, he resilient and ignored Vernon's rude remarks, making himself comfortable by breaking into the others' comfort zone. Like what he's doing currently. He sat beside Vernon as usual, smile little less bright after Vernon told him that Seungkwan's happy face 'creeps him out'. He smartly learned that Vernon always didn't mean what he said, as Seungkwan saw a glint of guilt every time a particular nasty remark was thrown his way.

Seungkwan had always been a sensitive person, but he was understanding. He could tell Vernon wasn't happy. He just oozed out the aura of loneliness and longing, the one that pulled him in to greet the foreign-looking boy in the first place. Maybe he had been too enthusiastic in the beginning, because Vernon seemed to clam up even more, refusing to answer Seungkwan's questions and remained silent. Seungkwan gave up after a while, respecting the other boy's privacy. It didn't mean he would leave Vernon alone though. He believed everyone needed a company every once and a while, and he was also curious of what the other boy was hiding deep inside. Until Vernon let him in, he would patiently sit by his side, blabbering random things about his days and basic information about himself, deliberately revealing little details about himself, expecting Vernon to do the same. But until now, it was to no avail. The only information he could pry from the boy was that he was the same age as Seungkwan and they were both studying in the same college but different streams. That was basically it.

"I took Fine Arts, what did you expect?" Seungkwan nodded, storing the information safely inside his memory box. He opened his book, a romcom themed fiction as he was feeling sentimental today. He turned towards Vernon who was awkwardly holding tightly onto his notebook, creating creases at the place he's gripping.

"Keep doing what you're doing, don't mind me. I won't peek, promise," Seungkwan lifted his right hand as if making a vow. Vernon stared hard at him, not sure whether he should trust the boy but considering no harm was done ever since he came into Vernon's life two weeks ago, he gave up.

Turning around, he gave one last warning. "One peek and you're as good as gone," his tone was cold with malice. Seungkwan nodded weakly, gulping hard. He was curious, sure, but he did not want to get to Vernon's bad side. Vernon willing to make small talk to him was a big progression in itself, and Seungkwan preferred to not spoil that.

"I hope you'll be able to show me your drawings one day, if it's okay with you," Seungkwan said softly, his body still turned sideways. He knew it was a risky statement, but he still grasped on that sliver of hope that Vernon won't back away even more than he already had. He wanted to see more of the boy with the honey hair and western features. He wanted to know why he was so standoffish and pretended to be rude although he was hardly one. He wanted to know Vernon's real traits. Who he actually was beneath this shell of a boy. It was a wishful thinking, but Seungkwan was keen and curious. He was the type of person who would jump on every open door, building hopes and chasing opportunities whenever he could and crossed his fingers for the best.

Vernon's hand stilled, glancing at the boy beside of him. He certainly didn't expect that kind of request. No one had expressed interest for his hobbies, and he had been drawing since he was like, ten. He pondered on it for a bit before continue sketching, the tension in his muscle turning limp and the features he drew turned much softer and lighter.

"We'll see" Vernon murmured. Seungkwan smiled widely, back still facing Vernon. He would take what he got.


	3. Chapter 3

The day was slowly coming to an end. Vernon spread his body comfortably on the sofa, his eyes on the screen that showed images of posh people conversing in an event meant for the elite but his mind was elsewhere, in between deciphering the meaning of his founding in the abandoned room and flashes of pasts his mind absolutely refused to forget.

He suddenly thought of the sunshine boy. He hasn't seen him for two weeks now, the mini library empty safe for the owner who greeted him brightly without fail every time. It was just like before he met Seungkwan. Despite that was all he ever wanted, he suddenly felt lonely, although he had been alone for as long as he could remember. It was not the first time he felt a sense of abandonment; he wondered why it still bothers him. He didn’t like it, but it was inevitable. Vernon repelled people, never giving and never asking; that was what he get for being the way he was.

He threw away the thought, not wanting to burden himself by thinking of stuffs that didn’t matter. He got up from the comfort of the cocoon of blankets he enveloped himself into, grabbing a trench coat from the coat rack and the house key from the coffee table before heading towards the door, bracing for the wind as he opened the door and disappeared into the night, the front door closing with a low thud.

 

It was cold, the wind blowing harsher than usual that particular day. Vernon was only wearing a long grey trench coat reaching his upper thigh, training pants, and sandal. Not a very appropriate wear for such a cold night, yet he didn’t mind the cold slapping his feet. The numb helped him to take his mind off things and a breath of fresh air than staying cooped inside his house that didn’t feel like home.

His hands prodding deeper inside the pocket of his coat produced some small changes. Enough for a cup of steaming coffee. Satisfied, Vernon navigates himself through the dark street only made bright by street lights and flashes of neon from grocery shops. If he walked far ahead, he could see his college in sight, and he would very much prefer to refrain from going near that hell of a place unless he absolutely needed too. College was restricting, boring and full of fake people. He’d rather sit hours with Seungkwan beside him talking his mouth off as long as he didn’t have to sit among painted faces and listening to lectures about things he already knew and read years ago.

He reminded himself; _only one year left._

Crossing the street, he didn’t even bother to look out for any possible passing vehicles. His neighborhood was as deserted as a Sahara Desert when it came to night time. Right after he safely took the final step to cross the step, a horn blared from behind him. He paused, looking behind at the rapid vehicle speeding past to who knows where. He shrugged; maybe tonight wasn’t one of those nights.

He continued walking with determined steps. He might came off as nonchalant and spontaneous, but he ventured enough to know exactly what he’s doing and where he’s going. Other people wouldn’t dare to leave the safety of street full of light to travel to a dimmer place with dark corridors in every corner, but not Vernon. He had nothing to offer even if someone wanted to rob him, and he certainly didn’t have anyone missing after him if he was kidnapped and got shipped off somewhere out of state.

Despite Vernon walking through this street countless times before, he was still in one piece. He didn't know why people was being too paranoid.

Head in the clouds all the way, Vernon didn’t realize he had already arrived if not for his feet that accidentally kicked the signboard placed on the floor in front of the café. The light inside the café was dimmed, not a lot of people inside as it was almost closing hour. The shops next to it were long locked shut, leaving it the only living in the middle of a dead street.

Unlike the library, the café didn’t have the usual bell ring to alert the presence of the customer, and Vernon was thankful for that. The less attention he received, the more comfortable he felt. He ordered the cheapest coffee they offered, which was the plain black coffee. The cafe was far from decorative. It was just like the cup of coffee in his hand, warm yet plain. Vernon was anything but a picky person though, he didn't believe in the value of pretty things. As long as it was comfortable and affordable, Vernon was fine with anything.

In a moment of silence, Vernon regretted not bringing the recent book he just borrowed from the library. Figuring he didn't have anything else to do here other than staring at space and starting to regret things, he picked up his half-finished plastic cup, exiting the cafe and dismissing the staff biding him to 'come again later'. They didn't need to tell him that phrase every time, he came thrice a week after all.

Vernon stopped for a moment in front of the cafe, wondering where to go next. Most of the places were closing as it was reaching midnight, but Vernon wanted to walk a bit more, just going anywhere and everywhere. Being lost in the middle of nowhere and finding his way back again. He was up for a midnight venture tonight; but it was a momentary lapse of thoughts and unrealistic dreams. He didn't bring his money with him despite the fortune his parents sent to him every month. It was neatly piled in stacks inside his safe box, the password which only he knew.

Vernon wasn't poor by any means; he could just quit college, jump to a plane to somewhere and build a studio there. It was the plan, but it was not the time yet. His parents weren't the best, only providing wealth but not love. Despite all that, Vernon still owe it to them for allowing him to study here, the place where his blood first spilled. After much difficulty and verbal arguments, they finally heeded to his wish although they didn't fully support his choice of stream. Being a successful artist was like a one in a million chance. He wouldn't live an easy life and his parents won't support him after he graduated were what they threatened him with, but Vernon didn't mind.

He didn't want an easy life, as he realized he as a person wouldn't worth a fortune anyway. His paintings were mostly portraits of the same person, but he figured that wouldn't do. He couldn't settle for less if he aimed for at least a decent living. Being in the college was horrible, but Vernon needed it. He needed the skills he couldn't possess from reading books alone, and he needed the degree to prove his accomplishment to his parents. Thoughts about responsibilities and future hurt his head and without realizing, he had been aimlessly walking and arrived in front of the mini library which was surprisingly, still open. He pushed the door, the sound of the bell amidst the peaceful silence of the night made him cringe.

He was greeted by a sight of the owner talking to a familiar sandy brown hair. Even without seeing his face, Vernon could easily tell who it was. There was not a lot of people he knew anyway. The owner lifted his head when he heard the bell, not looking as surprised as Vernon was expecting him to. On the other hand, the other boy who simultaneously turned around seemed shell shocked by the sight of Vernon. Vernon lifted his eyebrow when a lapse of silence took over.

The middle aged man beckoned him closer with a smile but Vernon was sharp; he could see the lines of worry that seemed foreign on the usually stress-free man. He looked down at Seungkwan who was quiet beside him, his muscles taut in tension. It was a strange sight; the other boy seems so intimidated when he was usually so expressive and bold. Vernon mindlessly passed the cup of coffee on his hand to Seungkwan. The boy stared at the cup offered to him before blankly looking up at Vernon with questioning eyes, matching Vernon's expressionless features. He sighed, grabbing the others' hand before forcing the cup of coffee between the slender fingers. It was unusual in itself for him to make the first move, but he decided he didn't care.

"Pretty sure you'll need it more than me," he didn't even need to look to see the slight smile on the shorter's face, but he was satisfied nonetheless. It was a simple gesture of kindness to an acquaintance; nothing wrong with that, right?

Mr. Yoo cleared his throat, his smile a little awkward. Vernon frowned, suddenly having a really bad feeling about whatever the middle aged man was going to say.

"We better sit down and have a talk, three of us." Not given anymore options, they settled in on their own seat, the dim light purposefully left open didn’t offer much comfort either. The air was stiff with a silence so thick that even Vernon got disturbed by it.

“So what was it that you wanted to talk about in the middle of the night?” Vernon broke the silence, tired when both hands of the clock pointed to twelve and yet no one opened their mouth to start the conversation. The sudden disrupted silence caused Seungkwan to freeze up again, his body rigid as he stole glances at the boy beside before turning his view to the cup of coffee on his hand. He took a sip, suddenly feeling his throat drying up. He drank more, just to avoid the conversation as much as he could. Thus it left the oldest of them to speak up.

He sighed, turning to Vernon who was still waiting impatiently. He didn’t smile this time, the creases of worry between his furrowed brows and pursed lips confused Vernon as he had never seen the man this way; he had never seem so bothered for as long as Vernon had known him. “I didn’t know how to soften the blow,” he started, voice soft and husky. Vernon vaguely remember he had told the younger boy that he was once a singer. A local artist entertaining the crowds at the street while balancing multiple jobs at once; the man had worked that much and luckily his effort still paid his bills even to this day.

“…away from home,” Vernon blinking, failing to catch the first sentence at all. He felt like beating himself up. Why did he always space out when the timing wasn’t right? “Pardon?” the middle aged man sighed again, heavier this time. Vernon cringed, mentally cursing himself. Be a more functional human being, Chwe!

“I’m not repeating myself. Seungkwan, tell him yourself. I’ll be at the back if you need me,” Mr Yoo lifted himself up, almost dragging his leg back the counter before disappearing beneath the heavy curtain, his own place as he had simply put it. How the man could be satisfied being in the same place every single day was beyond Vernon.

He directed his gaze to the boy beside of him who was still looking down, the cup of coffee in his hand now empty. He didn’t look like he was willing to speak any soon and Vernon was getting impatient. He had only gone for a stroll to clear his head in the first place; he wasn’t expecting it to become more tangled up than before.

“Do I have to force an answer from you?” It wasn’t a question, and Vernon knew the other boy was witty enough to catch up on that clipped tone. It wasn’t the first, and it definitely wouldn’t be the last, considering the fact that this guy always found his way around to enter Vernon’s life. Vernon’s rough tone did manage to stutter him to oblivion for a moment. Vernon noticed his hesitation, knowing he couldn’t easily confide of whatever matter that was bothering him, but Vernon was more impatient than understanding and he was a stuck-up pretentious bastard that missed the warmth of his house-not-home and wanted to get out of this tense situation as soon as possible.

“Talk or I will gladly leave,” it was curt, no room for debate. It was too much dallying around and Vernon wasn’t kidding either. “Fine. I got disowned by my family. Are you happy now?” Seungkwan’s tone was harsh, blinking furiously as he willed his tears to go away.

"Ye- wait, what?" Vernon's eyes rounded in surprise. He was expecting a serious problem but he wasn't expecting such an issue. He stared at the trembling boy in front of him, convinced that it wasn't an act when Seungkwan seemed like he might explode in tears if he was even touched. Vernon felt bad, mouth drying at the sight. He was out of line; he wasn't the only one miserable in this world so why was he acting so selfish?

He looked around, seeing the other boy was empty handed with only a black coat and blue jeans that fit on his leg like a pair of skinnies. "I don't see any bags, though," It was simply an observation, but seemed like it was the wrong thing to say when Seungkwan glare up at him with bloodshot eyes. Even without words, Vernon could tell he was internally cursing at how insensitive Vernon was being. Vernon wouldn't blame him, he would reprimand himself too if he were in Seungkwan's place.

"Would you care about belongings when you're no longer wanted in the only place you can call your safe haven?" Those words were like a huge slap to Vernon, bringing back old wound he clumsily tried to patch up but was still loose on the edges.

"But I'm not stupid though, I brought some money. Maybe won't last a lifetime, but I'll survive for a month or two," Seungkwan held dear to his wishful thinking, it seems. Vernon wondered how someone could be that optimistic and dumb when his life was practically in ruins. Vernon cleared his throat, so many questions in his mind but he had to filter each one as to not hurt Seungkwan's feeling again. He would appreciate not having to comfort a crying person, thank you very much.

"But you told me so many good things about them though," Vernon recalled hearing Seungkwan telling about his siblings and parents and how wonderful they are. Was Seungkwan lying all this time?

"I'm surprised you even remember," it was a bitter remark, but it was spoken sombrely. Vernon watched as the other boy rushed to wipe away the fallen tears, taking a deep breath to calm himself before finally looking up to meet Vernon's eyes.

"Listen. I didn't lie. They were wonderful to me, but they just, I don't know. They didn't want to support me anymore," that didn't really explain anything but Seungkwan was getting teary again and Vernon didn't want to push him if he's not ready to tell.

"So where are you living now?" Seungkwan pointed at the curtain, eerily quiet as the owner was probably asleep. Vernon cocked an eyebrow and nodded in understanding, but not in approval.

"There's like, zero space back there," judging by the sigh Seungkwan released, the boy was already aware of the obvious. It was crowded enough for one, despite Mr Yoo's antic to ensure everything was in a neat and orderly manner.

"I don't have a choice," he said, throwing the empty cup at a trash bin beside him. Vernon's eyes followed the movement, but his mind was working over speed.

"Maybe you do," Seungkwan stared at him in disbelief, his chocolate eyes widening in surprise. He had pretty eyes, Vernon noticed. All round and twinkling, although the light in his eyes were not as bright during that particular time.

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Vernon understood perfectly, but he decided to play dumb just because. His mouth curled into a knowing smirk, knowing Seungkwan had already fallen for his trap.

"I don't know, you tell me." Seungkwan huffed by the nonchalant answer that was so _Vernon_.

He mulled over his options. No matter what he would cause trouble to other people, but he didn't ask to be put in that position in the first place. Vernon stood up first, that trademark poker face was like a permanent expression in his face. Seungkwan met his eyes, not quite deciding but feeling his resolve crumbling.

"You coming?" Dang, Vernon didn't even have to put much effort to convince Seungkwan.

"You sure it won't be burdening?" Seungkwan was hesitant, suspicious when the usually stoic Vernon was being so nice to him all of the sudden.

"You'll sleep in the sofa anyway, and I'll set some ground rules. One rule being broken, you're out from my house and life for good," Seungkwan gulped, immediately retracting his initial thoughts. Vernon was the spawn of the devil and he was asking Seungkwan to join him inside his hell hound.

Seungkwan shrugged. That didn't sound so bad compared to sleeping on the streets and he'd hate to bother Mr Yoo anyway, no matter how much the man had convinced him 'it was fine'.

He felt like being in a dream. One minute he was happy with his family and Vernon was that person suspended between the label acquaintance and stranger, and the next he was kicked out of his house and his so called 'reading buddy' was inviting him to stay at his house. He felt like laughing at the absurdity of life but Vernon was still waiting and getting impatient.

"Okay, then. I'll go talk to Mr Yoo."


	4. Chapter 4

"First of all, no stepping upstairs at all. Just call me or scream your head off, I don't care. I'm the only one living here anyway. But _don't. go. up_ ," he emphasized each word clearly, making sure Seungkwan had it drilled inside his head.

He climbed up the stairs, realizing he had a guest to attend to before stepping down again. He almost forgot he offered to share the same breathing space with the one person that he couldn't stand. Who knew it would come to this? Vernon must have had some loose screw in his head to even suggest it in the first place.

He disregards the thought. He's emotionless, but he's not that heartless of a person.

"Do you know how to clean and cook?" Vernon suddenly asked after a pace of brainstorming on his next set of orders.

"Not much, just the basic stuffs," Seungkwan muttered, more interested in looking around the interior of the simple yet expensive looking house. It looked clean and minimalist, as if almost untouched safe for the ruckus here and there courtesy of Vernon searching for food and throwing his clothes everywhere after returning back from class.

But of course, the devil has sharp ears.

"Good, you're in charge of cooking and cleaning. I'm wasting money paying for maids anyway. I'll buy groceries and your clothes, and you won't even have to pay a cent," he hummed, thinking of any loose ends to tie.

"One last thing, you deserve your own privacy and so do I, so don't get too comfortable by calling me your housemate and stuff. As far as I know, I'm just helping you out for a while and we're basically strangers living together. That's all," Vernon ended the longest speech of his life with a firm look towards the squirming boy who was trying hard to grasp on everything he had just been told.

"Don't I have a say too?" Vernon didn't seem to expect that. He raised an eyebrow, challenging but not backing down either.

"How bold of you, despite you're the one staying in my house. But sure, I'll allow one condition," Vernon relented, watching as Seungkwan nodded before his expression morphed into one of thoughtfulness. He finally made a decision, nodding to himself while doing so. His face was like an open book, Vernon realized. It was like he had nothing to hide.

"I don't want us to be strangers. I still want to be your friend," Vernon's eyebrows raised high. That wasn't what he was expecting. He thought Seungkwan would reprimand him for giving him all the chores as his duty but that was far from it. He chuckled. Boo Seungkwan was certainly a box full of surprises. "You still want to be friends with me despite me being the biggest bastard with zero sensitivity whatsoever?" Seungkwan laughed, merry and bright just like his usual self. Vernon was slightly proud for being able to pull some mirth from the other boy. A smile on his face was better than a frown anyway.

"If you were to say, quote unquote, biggest bastard with zero sensitivity whatsoever, you wouldn't let me stay in your house in the first place. I'm surprised you didn't walk away when you saw me back there though," Seungkwan stated factually with a knowing smile. Vernon hated it when he act all high and mighty.

"I'll take it as a compliment," Vernon said simply, showing Seungkwan the messy living room with candy wrappers all over the coffee table and some on the floor, with a mountain of blankets on top of a sofa that seemed so warm and inviting.

"This will be your temporary place. I expect you to leave when you manage to contact a relative that are willing to accept you or something. Until then, you're my slave," Vernon looked blankly at large space, seemingly unashamed of the mess he left behind.

"Downstairs are yours but the whole house is mine so don't get any funny idea," Vernon suddenly became tired, realizing he had talked way much than his normal capacity. Human interaction was exhausting, Vernon thought as he exhaled deeply. Only now did he realize the talkative boy was, well, not talking. Vernon understood he was going through a rough patch in his life, but Vernon didn't really appreciate being ignored when he had put a lot of effort to talk beyond his usual limit.

"Are you listening or am I wasting my breath here?" Seungkwan looked up at him then, eyes empty and missing their usual glow. It was like staring at a starless night sky, they were that dull. Vernon's mouth snapped shut. He waited with bated breath for whatever the other boy was going to say.

"I haven't met you for quite a while, right?" He chuckled humorlessly. That was obviously a rhetoric question so Vernon remained quiet, watching as the other boy's expression turned from fake joy to a sombre one, the smile slowly dropping.

"I didn't expect our next meeting would end up like this. Life is weird," he shook his head, blinking furiously. Vernon could tell it was a sign of upcoming tears and he really, really didn't want to comfort a crying person right now but he knew it was rude to leave. Not when Seungkwan was at the most fragile condition he had ever seen him. Vernon cleared his throat, tilting his head to gesture at the kitchen.

"I'll get some tissue. You could tell me what's on your mind or we could watch a movie or something. Your pick," it wasn't an easy feat to witness Vernon actually giving someone else the power to make decisions, thus Seungkwan was shocked yet his heart swelled in pride at the same time. Seungkwan always knew Vernon wasn't that bad of a person.

"It's one in the morning, how about getting some sleep?" Vernon huffed, bemused.

"Don't kid me, who sleeps early on a Friday? What a noob," Seungkwan rolled his eyes, Vernon was definitely a meanie. _Obviously_ , he was kidding. He was a college student too, in case Vernon forgot.

"Movie sounds good. Do you have popcorn?" Seungkwan sniffed, settling down carefully on the sofa. Vernon shrugged before heading to the kitchen.

"If you're up for grocery shopping in the early morning, sure. I only got chips and drinks," he called out from the kitchen. Seungkwan smiled slightly, his eyes staring at the black screen of the television showing his reflection. His eyes blurred suddenly before he forcefully clenches them shut, wiping away the stray tears.

He cleared his throat before answering, "Snacks would be fine."

"Get it yourself lazyass," Vernon was right beside him then, shoving a roll of tissue to Seungkwan's face. Seungkwan rolled his eyes but thanked him nonetheless before setting the roll aside and stepped towards the kitchen to look for the aforementioned snacks. He stared at the disarray of spilled liquids on the counter tops and on the floor, and the fallen snacks on the floor. Vernon made such a ruckus just to search for tissue papers and Seungkwan didn't know whether he should feel appreciated for the effort or disgusted by the mess.

"How did you manage to live?" Seungkwan whispered, shaking his head while picking up the snacks before setting them at the clean area of the counter tops, looking around for a rug and after much effort, found them inside the kitchen cabinet. He wiped the counter and floor clean, his mouth endlessly mumbling about the importance of cleanliness and wondering how Vernon could live with such environment. He didn't even realize the person in question was leaning over the sink, watching him in amusement.

"As much as I hate chatterbox, it fits you better than being quiet," Vernon made his presence known after a while, almost sending Seungkwan tripping over the rug on his feet. Seungkwan calmed himself down before picking the bothersome rug, placing the wet piece of cloth in the sink behind Vernon, sending the taller a stern look while doing so.

"I wonder how you manage to survive this long," Seungkwan commented, hands full of snacks with Vernon tailing behind him. He didn't even have to turn around to tell Vernon was shrugging, not bothering to answer. They settled on opposite sides of the sofa, Seungkwan passing a few of the snacks on his hands to the other boy. The movie was already starting, Seungkwan noticed. He opened up a snack before looking up to the screen, stifling a laugh as realization sunk in.

"Seriously, _Shrek_?" Seungkwan snickered at the other boy who replied with a chagrin look, groaning before resume to consume his precious snacks.

"What? Animations always makes me feel better," Vernon defended himself with his mouth full of food. Disgusting, but endearing. Seungkwan just smiled, choosing not to say anything before looking back at the screen showing the green ogre's daily life. It didn't take too long for him to lose himself in his thoughts again.

He was still shaken up, and would probably be wounded for life. He wanted to forget so badly, trying hard to enjoy the show but he caught himself spacing out too many times he could no longer keep track. Flashbacks of the last hours was still fresh on his mind, the conversations that took toll still vivid and he remembered every word. His parents hadn't yelled at him, only gently telling him words he didn't want to hear. They threw him out in the nicest way possible, but it doesn't mean he didn't feel hurt.

Those people were his lifelines all these time and being stabbed by the people you trust the most hurt more than any physical pain. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, the occasional snickers coming from Vernon pulling him back to the real world. He glanced at the bundled up boy with empty snacks wrappers all around him. The corners of Seungkwan's lips pulled up slightly, more amused with the honey haired boy than the supposedly joyful movie.

He stared blankly as the screen showed the princess and the ogre kissing, yet his mind was drifting. He thought of his condition and the many layers of Vernon he had yet to uncover. Vernon was right, he realized. They were still strangers after all. _Back to square one_.

He hoped one day they could be honest with each other before it's too late. One day.


	5. Chapter 5

Time passed by, and it only took a while before Seungkwan bounced back to his normal cheery self. Or that’s what he wanted Vernon to believe.

Vernon didn’t want to pry, of course. They each deserve their own privacy and if Seungkwan didn’t want to talk about it just as much as Vernon didn’t want to talk about his personal life, then that’s fine. Life went on.

So far, it had been two months living with the 'stranger' downstairs and Vernon didn’t have any complaints. After all, Seungkwan had done his part and made sure to clean up after Vernon’s mess and arrange everything downstairs in a neat and orderly manner. Vernon was almost convinced that Seungkwan had some kind of OCD but he held his tongue. He wouldn’t want to drive the boy away when he had been of big help.

Although, they hadn’t really interacted much except for the occasional greetings from Seungkwan that Vernon replied with as much interest he could muster- which wasn’t much.

They went to college separately under Vernon’s command, despite their class starting at the same time. Vernon didn’t want people from their college to get any ideas, and he preferred to walk alone anyway as he’s always cranky in the morning.

It didn’t take that long for Seungkwan to caught up with that fact; preparing two cups of coffee with a stronger one for Vernon who was straining to keep his eyes open while munching on a sandwich the brunette prepared.

Seungkwan tilted his head at him then, snickering. “Not much of a morning person, aren’t you?” Vernon rolled his eyes, wondering why the other bothered to ask when he already knew.

And then there’s the occasional checklist Seungkwan left on the fridge for Vernon’s weekly grocery shopping. The taller boy heeded to his request, preferring to eat edible food anyway after so long living off snacks. The vegetables didn't appease him, but as long as he's not the one eating it was fine for him.

Vernon was in the supermarket, trying to navigate his ways amongst the spices and different sorts of greens that looked exactly the same, cursing and blaming the nature as to why green was a prominent thing when he heard a familiar voice called his name.

"Hansol?" Vernon turned, smiling politely at the man who was making his way to him. They had small talk, mainly about how Seungkwan's doing and Vernon had to reassure that he was doing fine and he was totally not bullying the other boy. The man chuckled as he knew better but chose to not say anything and took it in a stride.

In fact, Vernon felt he was the one being tortured to search after those foreign things in the checklist. Eventually, Mr Yoo helped him and gave him so pointers so he could differentiate between lettuce and cauliflower and an intensive learning of the names of vegetables in the middle of the grocery store.

Vernon was drained by the end of the day but he was rewarded with great dishes so everything was good.

On the way back he vaguely thought he had forgotten something before disregarding it as a state a mind. Plus, he was too tired to think and his stomach begged to be filled.

Later that night after dinner he rolled back on his bed, hands outstretched before accidentally grazed on a rough texture on his bedside table. He blinked, grasping for the material only for it to be a piece of folded paper. A very familiar piece of paper.

His eyes widened, finally realizing what he had forgotten. He quickly hoist himself up before stepping down the stairs, finding Seungkwan sitting cross legged on the sofa, watching a drama in the television while munching on some tiny tomatoes. Vernon cringed by how easily the other boy could eat those raw.

He stopped midway, pondering his option. Should he go now or should he wait until tomorrow?

Vernon wondered why he hesitate. It was his house. He could damn well go out if he wanted to. He grabbed his coat and rashly slipped in the paper inside the pocket of the coat, ignoring Seungkwan's curious gaze.

"Going somewhere?" Vernon halted before regaining his composure, nodding quickly.

"I'll be back soon. Lock the door," he said in a breeze, wanting to quickly leave so he wouldn't have to answer the other boy's endless questions.

"Can I come?" Vernon's hand paused just as it rested on the door handle, whipping his head around with a enraged expression that quickly melted away upon seeing the brunette's hopeful expression.

He sighed, resigning to his fate. Guess that his question had to be answered another day.

"Grab a coat. Bring the house key," Vernon spoke after a while, all the while wondering why he suddenly had a soft spot for the brunette. It wasn't going to happen again, he promised himself.

Seungkwan smiled brightly, hesitantly putting on one of Vernon's long coat which was quite big on him as it almost swallowed both of his hands and went down to his lower thigh. He then proceeded to grab the key on the coffee table and his wallet before finally standing in front of Vernon, unceremoniously announcing he was ready without having to say a word.

Vernon held his laughter, opening the door while gesturing for Seungkwan to head out first. He breathed out, the cold air coming in puffs before finally closing the door behind him.

It was going be a long night indeed.

\--

"So where are you taking me?" Seungkwan bounced slightly in his steps, a vast difference with Vernon's calm walk.

The taller boy was silent, and only after Seungkwan elbowed him gently did he step back down to reality.

"You said something?" Vernon almost snickered at the absurdity of the question. It was only strange if Seungkwan _didn't_ say something.

"Yeah, Mr my-head-is-in-the-clouds-twenty-four-seven," Seungkwan rolled his eyes, almost facepalming when Vernon looked at him with a confused expression.

"Vernon would be fine," he shrugged, clearly enjoying the other boy getting riled up. He almost forgot the joy of eliciting reactions of others for the sake of humour. Vernon had messed up humour, but that's not the point here.

Seungkwan huffed, giving up in asking and just follow after the taller boy. The wind gently slapped his cheeks, colouring it a rosy hue. He breathed deeply, taking in the smell of city. The dark sky and light from the lamp streets created an atmosphere he had longed for but never had the chance to experience ever since his childhood.

"My parents never allowed me to go out after dark. Well, my ex-parents anyway," Seungkwan said suddenly, breaking the steady silence. Vernon glanced at him, detecting the sudden change in the mood.

"Well, you're out now," Vernon said, just to show he was being mindful of what the other boy was saying. Seungkwan smiled at his words, solemn and slow. 

"Yeah, achievements unlocked I guess?" He laughed at his own dry joke. Vernon kept quiet, watching him every now and then as the other boy was too enarmored by the constellation of the stars and childishly stepping on his own shadow casted by the light from the open stores.

"Everything is so beautiful at night time. I feel like I missed a lot," Vernon was still silent as the other boy talked animatedly, just like a little child seeing the world for the first time. Vernon felt a sliver of sympathy for the sheltered boy.

He stopped suddenly, causing the other boy to also halt his movements and endless chatters. He turned towards the shorter boy who couldn't hide his confusion.

"What was-"

"How much money did you bring?" Seungkwan didn't even get to finish his question before Vernon breezily cut him off. The brunette blinked, wondering what it had to do with anything. Was Vernon trying to make him pay his debt in the middle of the empty side street at late dawn?

"My whole savings. Why?" Seungkwan clutched the wallet inside his coat, scared that Vernon would suddenly pry it from him. Vernon seemed to notice his discomfort as he snickered and rolled his eyes.

"I'm not going to rob you, chill," His words managed to calm Seungkwan down, but the shorter boy still had unanswered questions.

"Then?" He prompted. Vernon turned to him with a twinkle in his eyes that Seungkwan had never seen before. It shone brighter than the stars Seungkwan had just gushed about, causing the brunette's heart to beat a rythm faster.

"Up for a late night trip?"

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

"Do you have any destination in mind?" Seungkwan began, a bit worried after they had walked a distance away from the familiar street. The road was bare and the street lights glowed a mellow hue, cascading down gently to the two lone boys. Still, the moon and the stars were as loyal even when the night grew deep.

"Nope," Vernon answered simply, his steps light and easy like someone who was sure of what he wants. He genuinely had no idea where to go, but where’s the fun in executing everything according to plan?

Seungkwan frowned at him in disbelief, probably thinking that Vernon was plotting something bad against him. Vernon rolled his eyes, adding Seungkwan to the list of the many, many paranoid people. Just like the taller boy thought, he was too easy to read.

"I'm pretty sure there's a late bus somewhere here. Walk a bit more and talk less," Vernon dismissed whatever Seungkwan was going to say, which probably was rants about how 'they could be lost and never be found again'.

Vernon didn't mind that, surely. But like any other sane person with dreams of living his own life someday, he would greatly appreciate not being harmed while still in his youth.

Seungkwan did comply to his wish, their footsteps the only clear sounds in midst of dead street and lively skies. If life was a series of captured moments, it would be quite a picture; two figures under a cloud of scattered stars drawn with a white crayon on a piece of black paper.

Seungkwan was used to people running here and there in the daylight, the chaos beneath the sun and white clouds. It felt foreign to not seeing another person in plain sight, just him and Vernon in the blanket of darkness that wasn't completely veiled. It was a good kind of odd though.

He smiled bitterly. When else would he get to experience this kind of sensation? You never did get a chance to appreciate these little things when life was just a blur of motion and chasing time.

"There it is!" Vernon's beckoning voice shook Seungkwan from his stupor. He walked quickly, matching Vernon's pace. The bus was slowing down for them, before finally coming to a stop.

They climbed up, surprised that the driver didn't even bat an eyelash when two young men randomly happened to be wandering around in a secluded street. Seungkwan still greeted him with a smile nonetheless, noting how tired the old man looked.

There wasn't any other passengers, as expected. No sane person would be up and about when it was almost reaching midnight. Vernon walked straight ahead and settled at the farthest seat on the back of the bus. Seungkwan sat a distance away from him on the same seat as he also wanted to see the view outside the window.

It was quiet, far too quiet when the vehicle started moving. Seungkwan wasn't sure if Vernon was up for some talking so he stayed quiet, relishing the moment while gazing up at the skies. Counting the stars would be a good activity to pass time, no?

He was on his thirteeth when he heard gentle music in his ear. Surprised, he turned towards Vernon but the boy was already turning to his side of the window as if nothing had happened. Seungkwan smiled, enjoying the soft tinkling of piano playing in his ear. It was a peaceful, yet almost melancholy tune. For someone seemingly so cold, Vernon had such a delicate music taste.

The rest of the ride went on in silence before the bus stopped in its last destination. They got off, bidding goodbye and thanked the driver before finally assessing the location they were currently in.

Human instinct had its way of awakening in case of lost in direction and during the need in survival, thus the two youths wasted no time standing on the bare sidewalk, instead opting to head to the first thing that captured their eyes; a huge and empty football field.

It was an act of impulse. No words needed to be exchanged, no air of reluctance to pull them away from possible danger. You only live once.

\--

They are flying, floating. To others, they may be two youths running enthuastically in the crack of the night at the middle of an empty field, but for those two lonely souls whose lives entangled and conjoined in the most unlikely ways, it was freedom.

But sadly, just like the promise of eternity, freedom didn't last forever. Cherish the moment while living in the present because one day you'll look back and regret the what ifs and what could have beens.

\--

"I never expected there will come a day that I would have a reason to escape from my boring normal routine, albeit even for a while," Vernon's voice was low, blending into the quiet of the night and bouncing off the sky that was too high to be reached.

Seungkwan halted on his 200th star, turning his head towards his left. Vernon's eyes are closed, and he's breathing in a rhythmic motion. It was the most peaceful Seungkwan had seen him, next to during those times Vernon would lost himself in his books and drawings with a serene expression on his face.

"I guess you do need me after all, huh?" The brunette chuckled under his breath, bringing his palm up to face the dark sky. Why are most of the beautiful things in life unreachable?

"Keep dreaming," Vernon replied with a huff but Seungkwan smiled because he knew the truth. He knew Vernon would never admit it, but he would, for the both of them.

Seungkwan closed his eyes, his senses sharpened as he felt the blades of the grass poking his back and sound of crickets lulling him to sleep. Before he could drift off though, Vernon nudged him awake.

He was up on his feet, his caramel colored hair glowing under the moonlight and his pale skin almost glittering. Seungkwan wished Vernon could see himself like this, and realize he is truly art.

Funny how Vernon was the artist here and yet he failed to recognize himself as a masterpiece.

"Up, up. Places to go, roads to explore," Seungkwan rise up to his feet. Despite his heavy eyes and aching body, he still looked up to Vernon with his usual bright smile.

"Where to next, sir?"

\-- 

They arrived home at seven in the morning after Vernon convinced him to watch the sunrise from atop a roof of a shopping lot. Their feet hurt from climbing upon so many flight of stairs but in the end, it was worth it.

Both of them sit side by side at the edge of the roof, watching as the originally dark blue sky gradually turned to a lighter shade of yellow, and Seungkwan had squeaked excitedly when the sun began to peek out from its horizon before slowly but surely making its way up on the sky.

Then the spell was broken and reality settled in. Two college students, as different as could be and each carrying their own burdens on their shoulders. 

You experience ups and downs and in between, but the constant was probably the longest period of your life. You would ask yourself, "why am I still stuck here, doing the same routine over and over again?" and you would wonder whether you're not good enough because you're still alone and no one would understand. There would be a period in life when all you wanted to do was to give up, but you don't because there's still hope for a better future.

And indeed there is.

Vernon was hit with a realization so suddenly at that moment, snapping his head so quickly to his right. He looked, _really_ looked at the shorter's side profile. He was an average beauty most people would disregard. But an artist's eyes see the world in a different perspective and beauty is subjective.

Seungkwan turned towards him with a frown, wondering why the usually stony boy was eyeing him relentlessly.

"You..."  _You're my soulmate, aren't you? The kind that I read in sappy romance novels during those dark days and the very one I disregard as bullshit just like the rest of romance? There's no way you came into my life by chance. There should be a reason why we're so different yet the same._

Vernon bit his tongue. It sounded ridiculous even in his head. He shook his head, pulling himself up with wobbly feet. Seungkwan watched him with wary eyes, as confused as ever. His joy from seeing the sunrise in the flesh evaporated but he didn't say anything because he knew Vernon was back to his usual moody self. He just knew.

"Let's go home."

\--

And as if their little journey together was nothing but a good dream, a magic of the moment, they fell into the usual old pattern.

Vernon was withdrawing again, he's sealing himself shut after letting himself go in front of Seungkwan last night. He went upstairs the first thing after reaching home and never stepped down even to eat. Seungkwan was more mad than worried. Did he expect Seungkwan to just forget and pretend it never happened?

Seungkwan sighed and fell back to the comfy sofa, his eyes closed and temples pounding, silently thanking the heaven it's Saturday while simultaneously crying inside because he didn't know where he had gone wrong. 

It had gone so well. He knew he was gaining more of Vernon's trust, but of course things had to be ruined at the last possible second. Of course Vernon would be cold and backed away again. He needed more time, Seungkwan realized. But how much more time would they waste by dancing around each other?

Seungkwan stared at the ceiling, wondering how on earth could he fix this mess when the reason itself was still unknown to him.

The ticking of clock hung on the wall seemed to mock him. He lied on his belly and suffocate his face amongst the many pillows, too tired to think anymore. ~~~~


	7. Chapter 7

"It's in...Greek,"Mr Yoo blinked upon setting sight on the words written meticulously on the piece of faded yellow paper.

"I can see that," Vernon deadpanned, already making himself comfortable on a bean bag beside the older man. He watched the elder put on his spectacles, hoping he had made the right choice. Who else can decipher foreign words better than the owner of gazilion of books? Vernon's logic reflected him as a person, plain and straight to the point.

"Wait here, I'll see what I can do,"the elder walked towards a rack located at the far back that Vernon never really venture much, but he recognised as the language section due to his frequent visits here. Just like he said before, it was his second home.

Vernon was left alone with his thoughts as he waited. He had brushed Seungkwan off again, avoiding every attempt the shorter made to start a conversation. Eventually, Seungkwan got sick of talking to himself and left Vernon alone. He went out everytime Vernon was home and Vernon locked himself up in his room when he heard the sound of the television clearly indicating Seungkwan was downstairs. It was pathetic really, they're playing hide and seek and running away from each other like little kids. But Vernon preferred the situation now, at least he didn't have to explain anything to the brunette. But until when? The truth would be out sooner or later, Vernon was acutely aware of it.

The truth remained, Vernon was scared. He wasn't used to a company that felt so _right._ He knew good things wouldn't last forever, no matter how hard he wished for it. That's why he's withdrawing now before he's in too deep, before he's starting to form some kind of attachment to the brunette. Vernon feared commitment, the uncertainty and the pain that came along with it. Contrary to popular beliefs, Vernon wasn't as tough as he pretended to be.

"Found it," Vernon blinked, returning to the real life. He watched the elder man holding a very thick and very dusty book. Vernon inwardly cringed. There was a reason why he never really liked exploring the unused sections.

"It's Odyssey, no wonder it seems so familiar," Vernon stayed silent and highly bemused, not caring about the source but simply about the message trying to be delivered.

"You're in luck that I managed to translate some parts of the book. Let's see," the elder hummed, lost in the dog-eared and coffee tainted book. It must have been used quite some time long ago, that was apparent.

"Here. You're in luck that I did translate Athena's parts," Vernon had never move that fast his entire life, leaving the bean bag to stand beside the older man. The handwriting was small, almost illegible. Vernon had to squint so hard he almost feel a migraine forming.

"Some of the words you'll find within yourself,  
the rest some power will inspire you to say.  
You least of all – I know –  
were born and reared without the gods' good will."

_What does that even mean?_

If Vernon was confused at first, he was even more so now. He wanted to ask Mr Yoo if he knew what the meaning behind those vague lines, but decided he didn't want to further burden the elder. He thanked him, copying the translated meaning because no way was he going to borrow the dusty book, and left with thousand and one question in his mind.

All the ponderings made him hungry, thus he decided to have his lunch at the usual cafe, part wanting to avoid from meeting Seungkwan if the boy was home. He felt stupid for running away, but apparently Vernon was terribly stubborn even to himself.

After getting a tuna sandwich and tea for himself, he spread the paper with the meaning on the table, studying it carefully as if the words could pop out to life and explain themselves to him. That would save a lot of time, Vernon thought.

But unfortunately, life never treated him so well.

Maybe the message didn't really need a whole lot of pondering, Vernon thought to himself. Maybe it is what it is.

"Some of the words I'll find in myself, the rest some power will inspire me to say..." Vernon murmured, suddenly Seungkwan's smiling face popped in his mind for no reason at all. He shook his head, willing the image to fade away.

"Not raised with the God's good will, that part was much obvious," Vernon rolled his eyes. He stared at the original message, the intricately well written font and wondered who exactly was the bearer of the message. He had a general idea of who the writer might be but right now he's not so sure anymore.

He would find out later, he thought as he exited the café. The sky was darkening, and he was pretty sure Seungkwan would be asleep in front of his assignments as per usual.

He was walking home with his head downcast, eyes sleepy and mind hectic as per usual. He raised his head momentarily, catching sight of something that caused him to make a double take. 

His eyes widened and his breath hitched, all the sleepiness and dizziness going away just like that and instead he was filled with immense panic. 

His steps became quicker until he's no longer walking but running until he's out of breath, reaching the slumped figure unconscious right in front of his house.

He fell to his knee, face pale and cold sweats breaking out. His eyes fell shut, nausea coming in full force.

"Oh god, please be alright," he muttered in the silent of the night as he lifted the body which felt like feather in his arms, speeding up to catch the next ride to the hospital.

He couldn't bear to lose anyone else anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

Seungkwan's forehead wrinkled as consciousness made its way to him, blearily trying to open his eyes. It took a couple of tries, the poundings in his temples clearly getting the better of him.

There's a blur of bright light overhead, he noted. He blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision before finally realizing there's a pair of light brown- almost hazel- eyes staring hard at him. Vernon's eyes widened after realizing Seungkwan was awake, quickly fetching a cup of water for the brunette.

Seungkwan was beyond confused. What the hell happened?

He took the drink with no complaint though, his throat dry as if he had been stranded in a desert without any water supply. He returned the glass to Vernon, his dizziness subsiding and curiosity at full peak. He didn't remember anything that happened at all.

He could only recall going to class, having lunch with his friends, going back to the house, and then...nil. Nada. Nothing. Like his memory just got wiped away by some unknown force.

"I'm losing my mind here and I demand an explanation," Vernon crossed his arms, his expression calm and collected but his voice betrayed him, a mix between concern and rage. Seungkwan blinked, once, twice, before he was dawned with realization that ascended down upon him like a sunset.

"Did I..pass out again?" His voice was a hoarse whisper, Vernon having to strain to hear him. Vernon's furrowed eyebrows and stormy eyes tell him everything he needed to know. Seungkwan chuckled. It had been so long since it last happened, Seungkwan thought it was over by now. And to know that Vernon had to see him like that, unconscious and  _weak_ made him feel all sorts of bitter and aggravation inside. The self pity gnawing him from the inside, eating away the hope he could actually be better, for once.

"I have to tell you eventually, huh?" Seungkwan sighed, laying down and wishing the sharp temporary pain would stop popping out of nowhere. He breathed out, eyelashes fluttering as he waited for the ache inside to fade away and melt into nothingness. Vernon's eyes softened, noticing the brunette's internal struggle.

"Well, duh. I'm not forcing you now though. You need to rest," Vernon's voice sounded far away but Seungkwan was pretty sure he was still right there beside the bed. Sleepiness tugged him by the sleeve and he's too weak to fight it, succumbing to the tiredness that won't stop wearing him out. He began to drift off to sleep with no chance of warning Vernon.

 _He'll understand_ , he thought sleepily before entering dreamland.

\--

Vernon left for home first, remembering the assignment he had due in two days. The shivering cold did not deter him, as if he was made of the blizzard itself. 

His brain won't stop making assumptions, turning over the possibilities over and over again as if he's in any position to do so. It wasn't right to ponder of the unknowns, he sobered up and reminded himself. Seungkwan would tell him when he's ready.

There's so many unsaid words between them, boundaries not meant to be crossed no matter how much both parties wanted to. It was hugely Vernon's fault, he realized. He had been nothing but a huge prick while Seungkwan was always trying to smooth things over between them. He always made Seungkwan work for everything and never gave in, never wanting to cooperate.

Vernon had been nothing but selfish and he wanted so badly to undo that, to apologize to Seungkwan and start over as friends, like normal people. 

But we're not normal people, Vernon thought somberly. Normal people work out their differences, having a casual talk about inconsequential things just to fill the deafening silence and doing regular activities together, which definitely does  _not_ include night trips to random places.

Vernon and Seungkwan weren't those kinds of people. They were both as different as the sun and rain but they didn't need to make a change to their habits or the little things they do just to please the other. It was like they know each other their whole life, just fitting in the gap even without words, although that was pretty impossible when it came to someone like Seungkwan. Not interacting with Seungkwan was hell, but Vernon would never admit it. If he was lonely before, he was positively a troglodytic now.

He opened the door to his house, the merciless wind leaving him with a slight tremble. He didn't even bother switching on the light and found the couch by memory before falling flat on what was supposedly to be Seungkwan's resident makeshift bed. The covers had been smoothed up, the blankets neatly stacked and it smelled like Febreeze everywhere, clearly indicating the brunette was quite the OCD type.

Vernon's eyes closed, allowing himself some more time before he had to pick himself up and get started with the damn coursework. Where was time when you need it?

He reminisced of what had happened the past few months, realizing how quick and seamlessly Seungkwan had weaved his way in Vernon's life. And also how hard it was to stay away from him, to not accept him as a temporary part in his life that would either left him or wither away. 

How could Vernon gave Seungkwan his trust when even he couldn't bear to trust himself? Vernon's messed up, swinging from an extreme to the next and masking emotions like a second skin. Why he thought it would be a good idea to offer Seungkwan a place in his life was a constant question he asked himself.

But then he would remember Seungkwan looking so dejected and broken that night. When everyone was asleep and the city was dead, a boy was lost and abandoned until he had to seek solace in a familiarity not close to his own. 

He patched the boy up, just like he intended to. Seungkwan laughed more, and he looked at Vernon the way no one else had done before, like he not only hung the stars but built the entire universe. It was too much for Vernon, seeing the sparkle in Seungkwan's eyes just reminded him of how wrong the brunette was. He wasn't a good person, he was sure Seungkwan would have gathered that much by now.

He hated seeing people looking up at him with so much passion. The same passion that would eventually dwindle down and die out like fading fireworks. He would have known since he had experienced it beforehand. 

He opened his eyes and blinked at the darkness. After Seungkwan get better, they would have a very necessary and long due talk, he decided firmly. No more tip toeing around, no more push and pull. Just a simple heart to heart and brutal honesty to each other. He was sure Seungkwan got quite a lot under his sleeves to uncover.

Vernon breathed out slowly. If there's anyone worthy to know the truth of what made Vernon as the person he is today, it would be no one else but Seungkwan.


	9. Chapter 9

Vernon was at a loss on what to do. He tried drawing earlier but his hands trembled so much and he failed to express whatever that is on his mind. He sat stumped for a whole minute, disappointed and desperately needing something to do, something to calm his nerves. If he didn't take action, he might drive himself insane. He learned the hard way once, forced to swallow some pills just to calm himself and switch off his thoughts by easing it to sleep. He knew better now than to further damage himself.

He stood up, resorting to gather as much water colours and various brushes he owned, including a large canvas and a pile of old newspapers from the cabinet before placing them all neatly at the middle of the room. He kneeled down, mixing water to the palette and dilute the rough texture of the multicolour mediums, getting the necessaries ready before tackling the initially blank canvas with an influx of colour. He didn't even notice time has passed until his stomach started to growl.

Leaning back, he breathed in exhaustion and relief after he was finally done with his work. Admiring the indefinable abstract art made colorful but not as bright, he sat on his butt and threw the brush he's holding carelessly, not even caring of the mess he made. 

With much difficulty, he lifted himself up with shaking legs, although his mind was finally clearer and not as tangled up as before. A lift of the blinds showed that the sky was already getting dark and the visting hour is almost up. He made his way downstairs after cleaning himself up, mindful to bring Seungkwan some snacks in case the boy's getting sick of hospital food. Not a very good idea to feed sick people unhealthy food, he realized just before he's going to pull an extra packet. 

He shrugged before ultimately grabbing two, one for himself and one for the brunette. Potato chips won't kill anyone, at least not in the long run.

 

\---

 

"I'm getting out of here soon," Seungkwan greeted him with those very words as soon as Vernon made his arrival known. Vernon raised a brow, noticing the bright smile on the brunette's face and the jumpy demeanor, as if he wanted to hop up from the bed and just run out from the institution if given a chance.

"Nice to meet you too," Vernon made himself comfortable on the single sofa, somehow relieved that Seungkwan looked much more healthier than before. If the brunette noticed the sarcasm in his tone, he dismissed it with an unwavering beam.

He's being a sunshine again, just like the very first day Vernon met him. But they're not strangers anymore, although 'friends' didn't really define them either.

_What are we?_

Another discussion for another day, Vernon reminded himself.

"You look awfully happy for a patient locked here with absolutely nothing to do," Vernon said with exaggerated words as usual, simultaneously fishing a pack of chips from his sling bag. Seungkwan tilted his head, following Vernon's movement with his eyes.

"That's not true. The nurses here are really friendly. The doctors too. And I watch funny shows and dramas in TV, and sometimes I walk on the hall and talk to the other patients. Good fun, but the portable IV drip is such a pain in the ass," Vernon munched on his chips, deciding chatty Seungkwan is way better than sickly Seungkwan or emotional Seungkwan.

He didn't even have to ask for Seungkwan to elaborate, and the brunette immediately delve deeper on his stories during his stay, from the unacceptable amount of medicine he had to take to the sob stories of the other patients that touched his heart. 

Vernon took it in a stride, putting in his inputs every now and then. Without realizing, he already emptied the content of his snack and retrieved another from his bag. He paused, holding up the snacks to Seungkwan who was still chatting up a storm. The other boy blinked, words faltered midway.

"For me?" Vernon rolled his eyes, impatiently pushing the packet into Seungkwan's hands, suspended in the air in the midst of his storytelling.

"Don't push your luck. I don't give snacks to just anyone," Vernon leaned back on his seat, feigning indifference. He observed as Seungkwan tilted his head in confusion before hesitantly rip the packet with a slight smile.

"I feel special," Seungkwan let out a small laugh, not looking worried by the possible calorie intake. Like he said, he's going out soon and he's feeling better anyway. There's nothing wrong with breaking the rule every once in a while.

Vernon cleared his throat, almost blurting out a very out of place and unthinkable "you are". That would be awkward and embarrassing, plus he wouldn't know how to explain. 

"What were you saying?" Vernon retorted instead, effectively diverting the topic as Seungkwan grabbed the bait without hesitation, indulging Vernon with tales that were supposed to be boring but he managed to make it sound so interesting with his expressions and hand gestures. Truth be told, Vernon had never seen someone so passionate about nonchalant matters others would brush off. 

Other patients would probably complain of nothing to do and whining about wanting to go to the outside world and breathe the fresh air again but apparently Seungkwan wasn't one of the majority.

"Do you really enjoy being here that much?" Vernon asked before he could stop himself, curiosity at its peak. Seungkwan stopped speaking again, his expression falling drastically. Vernon groaned internally, fully knowing he had officially messed up the situation.

"Why? You don't want to live with me anymore?" Seungkwan's voice sounded small, sad. Great, now Vernon felt like a horrible person. Seungkwan had that kind of effect on him, it seems.

"No, I don't mean it like that. I was just...you know. Curious. You sound happy here," Vernon finished lamely, opting to not say anything anymore. He made a mental reminder to shut his mouth at all times. Especially when he's within a radius of 5 meters from Boo Seungkwan.

"I find joy in life when I appreciate little things instead of finding flaws in everything. But it doesn't mean I'm happy being surrounded by sick and dying people, being reminded that I too will ultimately face death one day," his tone was tense, a knowing voice that didn't settle well with Vernon. Almost like he knew where his fate lies.

Vernon deliberately coughed to break the silence full of tension before pulling files and folders from his bag. He handed them to Seungkwan who was staring at him with confused eyes, although they don't look as sad anymore.

"Your assignments. I got them from your lecturers and that's all the information you will able to force out from me," Seungkwan gaped at him in disbelief.

Vernon was in a completely different stream and they didn't share any classes together. How in the world did he know Seungkwan's schedule and explain himself to all his feisty lecturers? Seungkwan wanted to ask, but he knew fully well that Vernon would stay true to his words. If he didn't want to talk, he won't talk. End of the story.

"You don't have to, you know," Seungkwan was touched by Vernon's effort as surely, it wouldn't be an easy tasks. He checked the files, not at all surprised by the piling assignments, knowing how much classes he had missed. He would need a laptop though, the one he borrowed from Vernon was back at home and he saved all his works in there.

"I want to. I'll drop by tomorrow and bring your laptop," it was as if Vernon could read his mind. Seungkwan frowned at him, unamused.

"It wasn't mine though, I'm just borrowing," he retorted. Vernon snorted, as if that was the most ridiculous thing he ever heard. 

"Technically, it's yours. I have one more anyway, so don't feel so bad. I'm going now, night," Vernon didn't even wait for a respond before pulling the door and closing it behind him.

Seungkwan sat in silence unmovingly, staring at the files in his hands. His cheeks were an alarming shade of red by Vernon's endeavor to break out from his comfort zone just to make sure Seungkwan wasn't behind in his studies. His heartbeat accelerated, unused by this side of Vernon although he had proven time and time again that he wasn't as cold as he pretended to be.

_Why are you so good to me?_

 

_\--_

 

Back at home, Vernon messed up his hair in distress. He always made Seungkwan sad although he wasn't meaning to do so. He should switch on his brain-to-mouth filter before saying anything next time.

He lied on the sofa, forcing his eyes to shut to no avail. He blinked at the abyss of darkness, replaying everything like a broken record. Had he done the right thing? Would Seungkwan think that he was a stalker?

After all, he did snuck in Seungkwan's folder to memorize his schedules. He had explain what actually happened to Seungkwan's lecturers despite being quite intimidated by their frowning faces, eventually gaining the access to the brunette's assignments after extreme measures, one of them having to admit to being 'Seungkwan's cousin', although he was pretty sure none of them believed him.

But all was well and done, although he was extremely exhausted by the end of the day. Convincing was a hard task, especially when he was usually not the type to beg. In fact, he never begged at all. He sighed, finally closing his eyes.

_Boo Seungkwan, the things I do for you._

 


	10. Chapter 10

_In another life, maybe I will be happy with who I am._

_But in another life, I won't meet you. You and I don't exist as whole. We're broken people, pretending to be okay._

_How long will it take before we break completely?_

Vernon stopped, almost reaching for the eraser and wipe all the words away like they never existed in the first place, just like dried leaves the colour of autumn being blown by the merciless wind, but ultimately decided against it. Damn it, nobody would ever know anyway.

He would never know.

 

\---

 

"I want to tell you a story," Seungkwan started in an inquiring and careful tone, his eyes faraway as if speaking from his unconscious thoughts. Vernon cocked his head, nodding hesitantly. The brunette wasn't looking at him, instead seemingly so interested on the texture of the peeling paint on the wall.

"I used to have a pair of neighbours. Really friendly and nice people. They always cooked a lot just so they can give the leftovers to us. I remember how they ask me about my day in a daily basis, giving me advices and words of motivations because they know what I'm going through. They were almost considered a family for me. But despite this, my parents hated them," the story started off quite peculiarly, but Vernon didn't expect any less.

"Do you want to know why?" It was a rhetorical question, thus Vernon stayed silent and waited patiently for the whole story to unfold. Seungkwan then chuckled bitterly, his gaze falling to his hands, still attached with needles and IV drip.

"Because they're gay. That's it."

Vernon was befuddled. So Seungkwan's old parents were homophobic. Was this all this is about? Because it definitely sounded like Seungkwan was coming out to him without outright saying it.

"So they kicked you out because you're not straight or something?" Vernon asked curiously, wanting to actually solve the mystery now.

Seungkwan had kept his past life under locks and keys, Vernon would be lying if he said he wasn't curious but just as he said when Seungkwan first moved in, their privacy were to each their own. It seemed so faraway, words without any actual meaning because they were still strangers at that time.

"No," Seungkwan shook his head, looking dejected and so, so small that it managed to capture a sliver of symphaty from the honey haired boy sitting at the chair next to him.

Vernon's curiosity was at full peak, but somehow he had a bad feeling of whatever the brunette was going to say.

"Listen, you don't have to say anything if you're not ready-" Seungkwan seemed to not hear him as the brunette cut him off bluntly.

"They kicked me out because I'm gay _and_ could die at any given moment. I'm not worth their time."

The words were so easily delivered, as if mere meaningless words that Vernon had a hard time convincing himself that yes, he's indeed hearing the right thing. The sinking feeling came fast, just like taking a ride on an extreme roller coaster without break and only washed by the emotions after the ride was over. Very quick and painless, but leaving a bitter and eye opening aftertaste.

_Wait...what?_

Vernon was rendered speechless. It felt like his glass heart just fell to the floor and smashed to pieces. 

 

_I think we'll both break at the same time. It's like we're placed in a vacuum, you're the star and I'm the raindrop, but we both will fall alongside each other to an endless pit of nothingness._

 

\--

 

Someone once told Vernon that he was unique. He expressed arts like his second nature; his writings had a life of its own and his paintings whispered unspoken pretty words.

Vernon was flattered all the same but he was sure the person was wrong. He wasn't unique. He didn't have any other talents so he resorted to the only things he know how. He chose to slash the canvas instead of his skin because he was a coward. But it was also because he's smart, realizing painting marks in his body isn't him as a person. He's much more than that. He's alone and forgotten, yet his rationality remained intact. What was the use of ruining yourself inside out?

Vernon has always been a dreamer, he loved books and arts because they were not limited to the reality world; they took him to places and made him realize there was more to it than his daily routine, than the city he grew up in, than his family who might as well abandoned him. They were more to life than the current moment.

But meeting Seungkwan, Vernon was stunned by the knowledge that there were more to life than keeping to himself and hiding himself in a fantasy world, so high above that people have a hard time reaching for him.

Seungkwan made him realize that it's okay, sometimes you could step a foot on the ground and know that there's still people willing to be there for you.

He made Vernon realize that it's okay to fall sometimes, as long as you don't break.

 

\---

 

"They didn't mind me being sickly but I made the mistake of coming out to them, so here I am. Why would anyone wants to keep a gay, unhealthy son, after all? I'm a hopeless case," Seungkwan chuckled bitterly. 

Vernon was silent for a long, long time. The only sounds were the beeping machine and the tick from the clock above their heads. Seungkwan didn't say anything more, concluding that was it. There was no more to it.

"Why would you do that?" Vernon finally opened his mouth, his voice monotone.

"Do what?"

"Telling something so personal to me of all people. I could leave you at any time, you know. Abandon you like your parents and wipe you off from my life."  _Lies, lies. Such blatant lies._

Seungkwan chuckled, not even looking bothered. It's like he already knew Vernon didn't mean what he said, he's only spitting it out of fear and perplexity. Seungkwan worryingly had gotten incredibly good in reading Vernon, which was not really an easy feat.

"If you were to do that, you would have done it a long ago. You have had your chances countless times but you never did. Kick me out, I mean. You're lonely, you're sad. But you're never a bad person," Vernon didn't know how to respond, instead staring at his hands on his lap and feeling like an arrow has been struck to his heart.

_Am I really as nice as you think? Why am I not convinced?_

"So, it's your turn," Seungkwan's tone remained casual, as if he hasn't confessed his life was basically in ruins since day one. As if he wasn't running out of time, battling with the clock and the odds.

"My turn for what?" Vernon's eyebrows furrowed, feeling a mix of irritation, confusion and despair. He didn't know what to feel. He missed the bliss of not having emotions. 

Life was dull but easy before Seungkwan came to his world with a bang.

"I told my story. It's only fair that you return the favor," the light-haired boy stared blankly at Seungkwan's anticipating look. He seemed so hopeful, so interested in Vernon's very unmeaningful life.

"The first thing you have to know is that I'm _not_ dying, and long time ago, I was a completely different person..."

 


	11. Chapter 11

_Vernon pushed the strand of hair falling on his sister's eyes, feeling his heart swell with pride by how beautifully she had grown by the years. Little did he know that that would be the last time he would admire his beautiful angel, his very own little sister._

_"Are you okay, Sofia? You seem anxious," he said, voice gentle just like always._

_Sofia didn't answer, averting her eyes downwards. She knew if he looks at her in the eyes, he could read every emotion in them and deduce the fact that she was, in fact, not okay. He had always been good at reading her, brotherly instinct and all that._

_But this, she shouldn't let him know. She would have to act fine and made him believe that nothing was wrong nor out of ordinary._

_So, she pasted on a sugary smile that brightened her whole feature, tilting her head up to meet her brother's gaze. He was a good big brother, the best she could ever asked for. She couldn't say the same about herself, though._

_"I'm fine."_

 

_\---_

 

They were back at the house again, sitting side by side at the sofa. The black screen of the television reflected their figures, sitting up straight with idle hands, both seemingly lost in thoughts.

"So, what actually happened to her?" Seungkwan broke the silence after reconsidering so many times, knowing full well Vernon wouldn't start the conversation. He seemed to be in a foul mood again, but Seungkwan wouldn't blame him. It was like opening a long-sealed wound. It may have healed, but the scar’s still there.

Vernon sighed before leaning back to the cushion and relaxing his stiff muscles, the conversation clearly tiring him.

"I told you, she left," very short, very precise. Seungkwan forced himself to be patient and try again. Vernon could be difficult, but it’s worth it, he reminds himself.

"But why would she leave? There's no reason for her to. There's nothing lacking here," the brunette looked around the large space, furnished and well equipped enough to occupy more than two people. Wasn’t very homey, per say, but it’s a decent place to call home.

“I don’t know. No matter the reason, it was her choice to step out. I tried finding her high and low, but I couldn’t. She must have flown back to the States, considering all her belongings and passport are gone,” Vernon said, resigning to the fact or so that was what he believed.

"Well surely she couldn't leave by herself, right? She's too young to do so."

Vernon was silent. He had pondered on the same thing time and time again, but he found no logical answer behind the reason how or why. It took almost a year and sleepless nights before he gave up, knowing fully well it's only so long he could grieve and search aimlessly for something, anything to indicate the reason why she would leave him by himself. When all he ever did was treating her like she was the most precious being. It's only so long he could push himself to the bridge of insanity and depression.

He told Seungkwan exactly that, half expecting the brunette to look at him with sympathetic eyes. He didn’t, and Vernon realized he’s not as surprised as he thought he should be.

"Look, you told me enough. Calm down, breathe in and exhale. You're here now, you're okay," Seungkwan's voice was like a lullaby stuck somewhere in his memory, sweet and comforting. How does he always know the right thing to say?

His eyes fluttered shut, mentally and physically drained. He wondered how Seungkwan who had gotten it much worse could still held his head high and be the one to comfort him instead. It was too much to take for a day, he concluded.

“You’re tired, just rest here. I’ll find somewhere else to sleep,” Seungkwan soft voice greeted his ears. Vernon opened his eyes slightly, pulling Seungkwan back by the wrist with a force that came out of nowhere.

“Stay,” Vernon’s voice was no more than a whisper, as gentle as a feather. His voice that he only ever used when he spoke to Sofia. But Sofia’s not here anymore.

But Seungkwan’s still there. He’s warm and comforting, and he  _stays._  It was all Vernon could ask and more.

“You’re not allowed to leave, ever,” Vernon wasn’t really controlling the words that tumbled out of his words anymore. Seungkwan grew rigid momentarily, his shoulders brushing Vernon’s side. But Vernon could feel his smile even with his eyes closed.

“I won’t.’

And somehow, that’s enough.

\--

Vernon stared ahead, suddenly realizing a thing. Scratch that, he realized two things.

First, Seungkwan was comfortably perched on his chest, still sleeping peacefully. He didn’t feel uncomfortable though, so he stayed still.

Second, they just bared their deepest secrets to each other and truthfully bordering to a dangerous region, considering the unknown nature of their relationship.

He should talk to Seungkwan, making sure they’re on the same page. But truthfully, he himself didn’t really know where they stand.

“It’s too early for you to frown so hard,” Speak of the devil. He yawned, lifting himself from Vernon. He didn’t seem ashamed, Vernon reckoned that he probably was still heavy with sleep.

“Sorry I slept on you. I like to cuddle something when I sleep,” Vernon tilted his head, not quite knowing what to with the newfound information.

“Get up, sleepyhead. We have classes in the morning,” in a flash, Seungkwan was on his way to the bathroom located next to the kitchen, tower and fresh clothes in tow. Vernon just nodded, knowing Seungkwan was right. He blinked, turning to Seungkwan with clear puzzlement.

“Wait, how did you kno-“

“You’re not the only one who snoops around on other people’s schedules,” he winked before shutting the bathroom door behind him.

Vernon stared at the closed door for a few minutes, feeling as if he was in daze. He chuckled a little, shaking his head. It all fell to place, back to normalcy.

\---

"We need to talk."

Seungkwan looked at him blankly. And now they're engaging in some sort of staring competition. Vernon blinked, not really wanting to play this game when he only requested a simple discussion. Well, maybe not so simple. But a discussion nonetheless.

The brunette looked away and sat down, one leg over another.

"I figured," Seungkwan simply said, for starters. That was rich, coming from him.

Vernon wasn't sure how to approach this the right way, but he was sure there was no exact correct way anyway. If he teeters gently, it should be fine. 

"So, what are we really?" Oops, maybe not the best way to put it into words, Congratulations, Vernon. Only one rule and you managed to mess it up.

Seungkwan didn't flinch. In fact, he just seemed confused. He bit his nail, frowning slightly as he stared momentarily at the floor covered with an odd shade of purple carpet, darker than fuchsia yet not quite magenta.

"I don't understand, but strangely at the same time I kind of do?" Vernon chuckled, knowing exactly what Seungkwan meant. He himself experienced it too many times before,

"I mean, we're friends I guess? But you can be hot and cold at the same time, and you're afraid of letting me in at first. It was...I don't know. I feel like we have something familiar but at the same time, there's always something that hold us back. We both know why," Seungkwan continued. Vernon listened attentively, nodding when Seungkwan took a pause to catch his breath.

"But now, we know each other's secret. I know why you are the way you are and you know why exactly I end up occupying your living room," he snickered. Vernon smiled lightly, gesturing Seungkwan to continue. His words seemed to work wonders in unravelling the mess of confusion in Vernon's head.

"I'm saying, it takes a lot of guts and trust in each other to reveal those deepest parts of us, but somehow we managed to," Seungkwan said, gathering his thoughts to continue.

"You forced it out of me, though," Vernon cut in, but there was no venom in his voice. Seungkwan laughed quietly, continuing his speech.

"Now that I thought about it, we're not friends but not strangers too, you know. Like we’re just awkwardly hanging in the middle. A 'some', if you will," Vernon stopped Seungkwan before he managed to break the mood by singing the song.

"I get it, but that doesn't really answer the question, does it?" Seungkwan shrugged, bouncing the question back to Vernon.

"That's my perception, but how about you? What do you think of 'us'? Seungkwan questioned, air quotes and all. 

Vernon went quiet, not sure how to answer, in fact, he didn't know what to answer at all.

"I just- you remember that day when we went to a late-night trip and watch the sunrise together?" Vernon asked, perking Seungkwan's curiosity. He was sure the brunette was confused but never prod for more, afraid Vernon would push him away more than he already had. Vernon felt guilty, knowing how much of a jerk he could be.

"I looked at you then, and realized for the first time that someone is there with me to witness this moment. That I am not alone and not imagining it was my sister sitting beside me. I wonder why you came into my life, what did I do to deserve someone to stick with me when I had been nothing but rude to you?"

Seungkwan listened quietly, playing idly with his fingers,

"Do you know why I just walk away? Because I'm scared, and I don't want to admit-" Vernon paused, not sure how to continue. No matter what he said, it would all come down the truth anyway.

"Why are you scared?" Seungkwan's voice was soft, comforting and safe and Vernon felt as if he was wrapped in a warm blanket in the middle of winter. He no longer felt cautious, knowing Seungkwan wouldn't judge him. He would understand him, like he always did. He would, right?

"I thought you were my soulmate," He said quickly, keeping his eyes trained downwards. The silence that followed made him backpedal, wanting to hide his face and disappear to the core of the earth. 

"I was being stupid, forget about it-" Vernon's eyes widened when both his hands were enveloped by smaller ones, hands as warm as his voice.

Vernon lifted his face, seeing the same smile that brought a sense of nostalgic to him. He never really did change.

"That could be an option," Seungkwan finally remarked, his smile bright and unwavering. His smile could probably melt snows, Vernon thought.

"Soulmates sounds better than 'some', just saying," Then they were laughing, hands still intertwined. Maybe on purpose, maybe not. No one could tell.

Somehow, things changed. But they also remained the same.


	12. Chapter 12

 Seungkwan stepped up the stairs hesitantly, as if he was forbidden to do so. To be fair, he was, but the rule no longer applies so he shouldn't be this timid, that in itself seems out of character for Boo Seungkwan.

He still had his doubts though, he's about to venture an unknown area that probably meant a lot to Vernon, considering he took a month after their last discussion before finally,  _finally_ deciding to allow Seungkwan upstairs to his so-called secret chamber.

"Come on, the stairs won't be able to hold that much weight for too long" Vernon's deep voice startled him, only momentarily before the implication of the statement sunk in. He shot a glare at the taller who didn't even bother to look at him, only moving forward to the destined location.

"Shut up," he snapped, moving quickly and following after the boy. He looked in every direction, assessing the new atmosphere. The air was different, clearly more frequented but lack of comfort. It was strange, to put it simply.

If Seungkwan had made the space downstairs comfortable and clean and more lively than before, it was a totally different case up here. It was clean, but it was strangely empty. The closed rooms and intimidating huge oak doors didn't really help either.

He followed Vernon across the hallway, feeling slightly creeped out. The space was huge and dark, there wasn't any window visible to shed any light, only dim overhead bulbs high on the ceiling. It felt as if he was in a scene out of a cheap horror movie. Mindful, he hurried up and accidentally collided with Vernon's steady back when he stopped abruptly.

 He rubbed his nose, pouting and shrugging when Vernon raised both eyebrows in a silent 'what are you doing'. Deciding to not dwell on it any further, Vernon turned the knob and pushed the heavy door open.

Seungkwan braced himself, peeking inside the room only to find out it was far from his imagination. The sight greeted him definitely wasn't what he expected.

"Oh," he breathed out, very much amazed but slightly disappointed. It washed away just as quick as it came though. It was far better than he thought if he were to be honest.

"That's all you have to say? 'Oh'?" Vernon tilted his head at him strangely, a frown scrunching his face. Despite that, he still looked good. Seungkwan crinkled his nose, not quite knowing what to reply.

"I thought you were going to show me your bedroom or something," Seungkwan confessed, his eyes never leaving the interior of the room. Without realizing, he took a step inside the room, leaving Vernon confused.

"Why would I show you my bedroom?" Vernon frowned harder, eventually stepping in after the shorter and leaving the door open.

"Just because," Seungkwan responded distractingly, too busy admiring to focus on the conversation. Vernon sighed, trailing after the curious boy. He stayed quiet, watching Seungkwan who seemed so immersed until he forgot to speak. Somehow, he felt a slight joy by the other's obvious interest. But of course, he masked his expression well.

"See something you like?" Vernon finally asked after a period of prolonged silence. Seungkwan turned to him, awe written all over his face.

"They're all amazing! You're so talented, how did you make all of these? I can't even draw a freaking straight line. They should have been premiered in an art gallery, " Seungkwan gushed, eyes bright and shining as if he just saw diamonds and treasures instead of Vernon's studio littered with art pieces and messy equipments.

Vernon faked a cough, trying to lessen the blossoming fluttering in his stomach. It had been awhile since he received compliments for his passion aside for from his art teacher, he almost forgot how good it felt to have someone else enjoying his art as much as he did.

"Show me your favorite," Seungkwan continued, either because he noticed Vernon's embarrassment and trying to lessen the stiff air or he probabaly didn't notice at all. 

Judging by Seungkwan's bouncy demeanor and wandering eyes, the latter option seemed to be the better gamble.

Vernon sighed, giving Seungkwan's question some thoughts. He didn't actually have one; he had some pieces he's proud of but he didn't really like playing favoritism. But for some, a particular one popped in his head.

He made his way carefully across the messy room, making a mental reminder to clean it up later. He opened a cabinet at the side of the room, pulling a canvas out before closing it shut again. He turned the medium around, uncovering the piece of art to Seungkwan. It was the very one he made while Seungkwan was in the hospital.

"It wasn't really my favorite, but I thought maybe you will like it," Vernon shrugged, not really caring how lame his reason sounded. It was the truth, anyway. 

Seungkwan stepped slowly towards him, looking at the piece in his hand with wonder and amazement. It wasn't really a masterpiece, if you ask Vernon, but an art is still an art.

"Can I have this?" Seungkwan asked carefully, which Vernon definitely didn't expect. He had never given his art away to someone except for projects and competitions, never really seeing the point of gifting someone with his work. 

"It's not your birthday, though," he said instead, using humor where it's not needed to disguise his discomfort. A bad habit that he picked up over the years, amongst many things.

"But sure, I guess. If you want it so much," Vernon quickly added upon seeing the crestfallen expression in the other's face.

 The effect was immediate, he brightened up almost instantly. 

"Thank you!" He chirped, admiring the canvas now in his hand. It was quite a clear contrast between the two, considering Vernon used mostly dark colors and slight pastel to accentuate his feelings at the time. Seungkwan was just plain bright colors if he ever was an abstract art.

 But Vernon liked contrast. He liked the paradox and the unexpected, as ironic as it sounds.

"You can just gawk there all day if you want or I could be a good host and show you around, just saying," Vernon said innocently although they both knew he was never one to be associated with that very word.

Seungkwan rolled his eyes but with no underlying malice, instead with a playful expression.

"Finally you got a conscience. Get on it, good sir," Seungkwan raised his hand, palm upward as a sign for Vernon to go ahead.

It was the latter's turn to roll his eyes, but he nonetheless complied wordlessly, tracing his steps across the room without checking whether Seungkwan was following him or not. Of course he would; he never bothered to leave even if he had the chance to after all.

 

 

 

 "I was known as 'the sickly boy' when I was in high school, so people made an effort to avoid me as much as they could, for whatever reason. I have brittle bones, but that wasn't really reason enough to isolate me," Seungkwan rolled his eyes, reminiscing his past when Vernon and him were each bundled up with blanket on top of the sofa and a cup of hot chocolate in each hands, considering it's winter and snowing on top of that.

"But there's someone nice enough to befriend me, clearly he didn't really mind about my condition. He said I was fun to be with and it gave me hope, you know. Someone will see you for who you really are if you wait and persevere enough," he continued, sipping on his hot chocolate, the marshmallows slowly melting to add the sweetness to the already sugary drink.

Vernon listened, as he usually did. He never really was quite a talker, and he enjoyed stories of people's experiences as much as he loves a good book.

"Seokmin was really nice and funny, the kind of best friend I never knew I deserved," Seungkwan smiled at his drink, before his face fell a few moments later.

"But he moved out from the town on our senior year, and I was left alone again," He set the mug on his lap, frowning slightly. That 'Seokmin' guy must have meant a lot, Vernon thought, quietly sipping his own drink.

"I tried to greet people and be extra nice, hoping they'll be willing to be my friends. But to no avail," Seungkwan continued. Vernon could understand what he felt, being different than the rest surely sucked.

"My neighbours, Jeonghan hyung and Seungcheol hyung made my days less painful though. I always looked forward in meeting them after school, knowing full well they'll be able to comfort me with funny stories and great food. Since my parents were rarely home anyway, I spent more time at their house than my own's. Almost like a save haven, if you will."

Vernon tilted his head, a particular statement hitting home. 

"But now I can't see them again. All the good things and great people being taken away from me. I was quite frustrated at first but now I realize I don't particularly care as much as I should," Seungkwan smiled again, close lipped and sweet.

"Why?" Vernon finally voiced out, knowing Seungkwan expected him to ask after a period of suspended silence. He's just dramatic like that.

"Because I get to meet you," he exclaimed, as if that was the greatest thing to ever happened to him. Vernon cleared his throat, finishing his drink just for the sake of occupying himself.

Jeez, Vernon knew the boy could be straightforward and bold, but he did not expect _that_ kind of honesty.

"You'll regret it soon enough," but as always, he never meant what he said.

Judging by the small smile on the brunette's face, he could tell Seungkwan thought so too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halo people its my bday :>


	13. Chapter 13

"You looked paler than usual today," Vernon said, curious and slightly worried by how quiet and ill the brunette looked. Seungkwan shook his head, quick to deny.

"I'm fine. Nothing a few paracetamols couldn't beat," Vernon rolled his eyes, wondering who even Seungkwan was trying to fool.

"Lie down, make yourself comfortable. I'll get some stuffs," Vernon lifted himself from the sofa, giving Seungkwan some space to rest while he heads to the kitchen.

He turned towards Seungkwan who was in the middle of the opening his mouth to complain, his eyes narrowing.

"Rest, that's final," he watched with satisfaction as Seungkwan snapped his mouth shut and pouted, proceeding to do as commanded. Once satisfied, Vernon leaves to fetch some meds for the brunette.

He returned to the living room, only to be greeted by the sight of a sleeping Seungkwan, bundled up with blankets and hugging a small pillow. He looked almost adorable, if Vernon were to be honest. He wouldn't admit it to his face though, not in a million years.

He stood in the spot, pondering over a thought for a moment. Making up his mind, he left the pills and water on the coffee table, grabbing his coat before exiting the house as discreetly as possible and making sure the door didn't make any noise.

Once outside, he suddenly realized he didn't have an actual plan. He's just winging it for now. 

Walking down the familiar street, he let his instinct took its toll. When there was no better option, trust your guts.

His guts took him to a cafe he always frequented. Helpful.

He sighed, going in and wondering if he even had enough spare change for his regular cup of coffee. Turned out he did, and he settled on his usual seat.

It was more packed than usual today, considering it was the weekend. He watched the people, mindlessly scanning through the crowd when his sight settled on a certain someone.

" _Jeonghan hyung has a long black hair, sometimes I like to braid it,"_ Seungkwan's voice sounded far away, guiding him helpfully.

In front of the long black haired beautiful man was a guy with strong features and pouty lips, muscles prominent.

" _Seungcheol hyung is really strong and he has dimples when he smile, cute."_

Right on cue, the man laughed at something his partner said. And just as expected, the dimples were as clear as day.

They might not be the right people, but the town is small so he might as well try his luck. The universe couldn't possibly hate him that much.

He lifted his cup, walking towards his targets before settling right in the middle of their table, halting their conversation to a stop. They turned towards him, bemused. Vernon steeled his expression, just to make sure.

"May I help you?" It was the muscled man who break the silence first. Vernon looked at him thoughtfully.

"Maybe you could. Do you happen to know someone by the name Boo Seungkwan?"

 

 

"Vernon, where were you?" Seungkwan's sleepy voice greeted him after he closes the door behind him.

"Just walking around, have a little air," he replied as an excuse. Seungkwan didn't prod, nodding as he rub the sleep off his eyes. Vernon noticed the empty container and glass on the coffee table, relieved that at least Seungkwan looked a lot healthier and less pale than before.

"I feel better now," he said.Vernon nodded grimly, mouth set in a thin line.

"Listen, I need to tell you something. But don't freak out and don't be mad at me," Vernon started, cautiously walking slowly towards the boy, gauging his reaction. There wasn't much, Seungkwan just seemed plain confused.

"What do you mean?" He asked, voice small and still laced with sleep.

"I met with your neighbours,  _accidentally._ And they told me some things about you," Vernon blurted, watching carefully for any change in Seungkwan's expression. His confused look was gone, but now he was smoothing his features so he looked practically expressionless.

"What did they say?" Seungkwan said, a tinge of something in his voice. Excitement? Fear? Vernon had no idea.

"They said something about how critical you are and how you shouldn't be thrown around when you're in that condition. Oh, and they thanked me for letting you stay," Vernon answered truthfully. 

Seungkwan pursed his lips, looking anywhere but at Vernon.

"Hey," Vernon's voice turned soft, sitting down next to the brunette while trying to catch his gaze but to no avail.

"You know you can tell me everything, right? I won't mind. Why would I have to meet up with some strangers just to get the information that you need a surgery in order to survive?"

Seungkwan inhaled deeply, closing his eyes momentarily before looking up at Vernon. There's nothing in his eyes but sadness, looking so dejected and small. 

"It was expensive, it took a lifetime of savings if I even think of getting one. Even when I was staying with my parents, they couldn't scrap enough to pay for the whole fee," Seungkwan explained, fiddling with his fingers. It's a habit he did when he's nervous, Vernon noticed.

"I'll pay for it," Vernon confirmed after a moment of silence, not even a slight hesitance in his voice.

Seungkwan's head snapped up, his eyes wide and disbelieving.

"No, I can't make you do that. You already gave me a place to stay and provide me everything I could ask for and more. It's unfair. I can't do anything for you," Seungkwan pleaded, tugging on Vernon's sweater.

The half American boy looked down at him with a pair of determined eyes and lips set in a straight line.

"You did plenty already. I'm going to do it because I want to so don't blame yourself," Vernon knew Seungkwan wasn't having any of it but honestly, who could change Vernon's mind when he's made his decision?

"You promised me you will stay, right?" at that, Seungkwan released his tight grip, clearly taken aback. The dissatisfaction in his face melted away, his features soft and delicate as he meet Vernon's gaze. He sighed, finally complying.

"Fine, but do me a favor please," when Seungkwan asked so nicely with that gentle expression, how could Vernon possibly refuse?

"Anything."

 


	14. Chapter 14

Seungkwan closed his eyes, chuckling ironically. Here he was again, at the hospital. It was almost a given now, he's stopped fighting against it long time ago.

He threw quite the tantrum when he was a child, sick of the smell of antibiotic and needles cutting his skin. But eventually, those things were the ones keeing him alive up until now.

_But how long will I be able to see the world?_

He breathed in deeply through the oxygen mask, his heart pounding hard. He has had surgery before, but not one quite this serious. 

This could determine his life; whether he will make it or break it.

He's terrified, deeply unsettled. This wasn't an easy matter. There was so many things running through his mind, things he should have done and words he left unsaid.

He exhaled, willing himself to relax.  _You did good, you're still doing good. Believe in yourself._

Repeating the manta repeatedly to himself mentally, he eventually fell into a much needed slumber, dreaming and reliving his life all over again.

 

 

"We'll be ready for him in two hours. Please be prepared as the probability of sucess in itself is 50 percent," The kind looking doctor patted Vernon on the shoulder, noticing his look of distress.

"Don't worry, son. We'll do our best. You did the right thing by sending him here, any later and he might not even had a chance to survive," he convinced before leaving Vernon stumped on the seat beside Seungkwan who was so deep in his sleep. He stared at the peaceful face, sudden dread filling his every fibre.

_If it failed, then it would be my fault. I was the one to make him go through this._

He shook his head, throwing away the negative thoughts that gnawed his stomach. He knew Seungkwan wouldn't want him to doubt himself. 

 _"Remember, Vernon. Whatever happens, please never regret a thing. The earth will keep on spinning, life goes on. I have a fun time with you. You're the best thing to ever happen to me, although you yourself don't know it. Never doubt yourself,"_ Seungkwan's voice sounded loud and clear in his head.

The last thing Seungkwan requested from him. A very selfless wish as he still thinks of Vernon even if it's his life that was in stake.

Slowly, he placed his hand above Seungkwan's cold ones, gripping it gently. 

"You're the best thing to ever happen to me, too."

 

 

Vernon leaned against the wall, waiting for the call to connect. It took awhile and he almost hang up before the other link picked up in the nick of the moment.

"Vernon?"

"Hey mom," he breathed out. It was the first time he decided to call his parents in forever. There was never any reason to up until now. Even when his sister was missing, he never called home due to his huge ego. They were practically strangers except for sharing a bloodline.

"I just want to say that although we don't have the best relationship, we're still family. So I'm sorry...and I love you, dad and Sofia," it was extremely hard, letting the unfamiliar words tumble out of his mouth.

It was quiet for a long, long time. Vernon swallowed, wondering if the line's been cut.

He heard a small sob before his mother's voice gentle voice greeted his ear.

"We love you too, honey. I'm sorry for not being a good mother to you. I promise I'll make it up to you".

Vernon smiled, his eyes getting a little watery. Somehow, that was all he needed to hear and more.

 

 

Seungkwan gripped his hand so hard he couldn't even feel the blood flow. His eyes were wide in fear, trying hard to breathe properly.

"Hey, hey. Look at me," Vernon murmured, trying to gain Seungkwan's attention. It didn't work, much to his frustration.

"Hey boo. Look here," he guided Seungkwan's face to turn towards him with gentle fingers. Seungkwan nodded with an effort, his breath finally returning to normal.

"I'm scared," Seungkwan whispered, voice small and broken. Vernon felt bad, but he didn't want to worsen the situation anymore than it already was.

"I know, I'm scared too. But I believe in you. You're strong, you're better than this. It will pass quickly, I promise," he wasn't really in the position to promise anything, but that was the least he could do.

Seungkwan exhaled, closing his eyes. He's still gripping Vernon's hand, but with less force than before. It was just a point of contact, Vernon providing warmth and comfort to his freezing skin.

"I believe you."

 

Vernon paced across the hallway, ignoring the murmurs of other people around him to focus on his own pacing just to distract himself. The time seemed to slow down painfully, leaving Vernon distressed every passing second.

He bought too many coffee tins from the vending machine, probably jamming it but he didn't particularly care. He was so out of it he would probably not notice if someone steal his wallet from his back pocket.

He glared at the clock hung above the wall. Time couldn't possibly move fast enough, he thought sarcastically.

He was suddenly reminded of the conversation he had with his mother earlier today. Just as he expected, Sofia was brought back home by his uncle. It hurts him that she never called him and no one even bother to inform him anything when he suffer for months on ends, but eventually it was all in the past.

At least she had the grace to left the note for him. She still cared, Vernon reasoned.

But she didn't care enough to stay, apparently.

It was two in the morning when the wait was finally over. Vernon snapped his head up when the door of the surgery room swung open, revealing the same doctor that talked to him earlier. His face was so expressionless, Vernon couldn't even tell the actual outcome.

He stood up to listen to whatever the elder had to say properly. After the exchange of information was over, Vernon slid down in the plastic seat. He didn't even realize a stray tear was falling down his cheek. It was a foreign feeling, he hasn't cried in forever.

But it felt good. It felt good to release emotions, not hiding beneath a pokerface. It was comforting, knowing he was capable of feeling.

The doctor patted him in the shoulder before he left. Vernon exhaled, sighing roughly.

_You said you wouldn't leave me..._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Thank you for keeping that promise._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i am a troll ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°


	15. Chapter 15

Seungkwan blinked his eyes open. It felt like déjà vu all over again. Light flashing overhead, a sight of honey brown hair and a pair of worried eyes greeted his line of vision.

"Hey," he whispered weakly, voice weak and tired. He didn't expect to be breathing again if he were to be honest. As he said to Vernon once, he could die anytime. As much as he was an optimist, he was still human that feared death.

"Hey, you're okay now," Vernon whispered back, a rare smile on his face. Seungkwan tried smiling back, forced to push his muscle to move.

Vernon seemed to notice his discomfort and told him to rest, to not move as much. He still needed a lot of time to recover.

He breathed out, barely noticing Vernon's larger hand was covering his own. His palm was rough and calloused but his touch was gentle. Seungkwan closed his eyes, eyes welling up in tears.

_What did I ever do to deserve a second chance in living?_

_What did I do to deserve you?_

 

 

 

_Seungkwan skipped to the mini library that he had discovered over a month ago. Truthfully he wasn't really there for the books although it was his initial intention, as something else caught his eyes after a few visits._

_Or rather, someone else._

_A boy with honey hair and dreamy eyes fits the bill rather well._

_Seungkwan didn't know what exactly is about the particular boy that pulls him in. He's quite a visual, he admits. But that wasn't the sole reason. The boy's strangely cold and unapproachable, but he seems so lonely._

_He reminded him of himself._

_Seungkwan was used to being brushed aside and ignored, but for some reason he thinks maybe this time it would be different. Maybe this boy would surprise him._

_Vernon, he learns his name after awhile._

_Vernon with his harsh words and empty eyes, with his easygoing attitude of life and his passion for art, his careful approach and his detached self._

_He had never met someone so interesting, so flawed yet admirable at the same time._

_He's like the tornado that ready to ruin but he's also a lone moon in a sky without stars._

_He's a beautiful disaster ready to happen._

 

"Do you ever regret meeting me?" Seungkwan asked suddenly, his voice drowning the low murmurs coming from the television.

Vernon turned towards him just then, frowning.

"You were quite a pain in the ass but no," Vernon replied cheekily, not even reacting to the weak smack to his chest.

"I don't think we'll be here today if I haven't been so adamant in befriending you. I never tried so hard with other people before," Seungkwan laughed softly, remembering the pathetic effort he put just so Vernon would talk to him. 

"Butterfly effect and all that jazz," Vernon snickered. His eyes met Seungkwan then, no longer empty but gentle and slowly gaining life. It's almost as if he's staring fondly at the brunette.

"I'm glad you did," the taller between the two said truthfully, giving him one of his rare smiles that quirk around the end. Seungkwan replied with a smile of his own, sunny and bright.

"Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap. I appreciate all comments and kudos, thank you for giving this story a chance. :"))
> 
>  


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